I'm Back!

 Writing is an outlet for me. A way to release the demons within. some reason, some how, i cannot allow myself to feel the way I need to in order to heal and move forward with my life. That is unless I drink, or smoke (weed), or write. Now, I want to write because the other alternatives are not healthy ones. I would prefer to stay alive at least long enough to see my grandchildren grow up. So maybe 80? a minimum. So in an effort to improve my health and overall wellbeing, writing will begin to be my outlet. It has been a long time since I have done this and there will be some learning curves. However, being an avid reader of Robert Greene and his novel Mastery, this is something I hope to master one day. I would love to write a novel, maybe one telling the story of my life. The ins and outs of what its like to live with such dibilatating mental illness. Bipolar disorder and adhd. Who knows, I may even be on the spectrum and I probably also have BPD, borderline personality disorder. But one thing is for certain. I am who I am and I am firm in that. I no longer seek approval from others. I no longer desire to be accepted by others. It does not matter to me. The things that matter to me are this, My children, My siblings, My parents, My nieces and nephews, ME. If there ever is to be another to enter my life, they must understand one thing. MY FAMILY COMES FIRST! if you dont like my family, TOO FUCKING BAD. If you dont like my kids TOO FUCKING BAD. if you want to be a part of my life, my beautifully balanced life. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING! otherwise, get the FUCK away from me. I am me. A little off my rocker, but functional, in love with my family, and concrete in who I am. I am passionate. I am funny. I am dark. I am light. I am yin. I am yang. I am a libra. I am a human. I am a god. I am all that I am meant to be. If you do not like any part of it. that is your issue, not mine. You are more than welcome to leave. I wont stop you. I am only allowing those who want to be in my life, to actually be here. If you dont want to, theres the fucking door. And please, let it hit you on the way out. 

There are times when we realize our mistakes. We realize who we are. We realize what we have done to the ones that matter most. And we realize who we allowed into our lives that destroyed our very selves. This is part of life and is something we should not continue to feel regret about, but to be thankful for. Something that has taught us who we are not, is just as beautifully profound as something that teaches us who we are. We cannot be fearful of failure. We cannot be fearful of change either. We must embrace both in order to progress in life. In order to progress in spirituality. In financial aspects of the world. In political aspects. In literally every aspect of our life. WE MUST EMBRACE FAILURE AS MUCH AS CHANGE! We MUST embrace failure as much as SUCCESS! we must understand as humans that we will ineveitably fail. We will ineveitably succeed. We will ineveitably experience every up and down as every other human on earth. Now, it may be in small doses, or large doses. It may not seem that we are on the same field as others. However, Every human on earth will go through successes and failures. The ones who make it on top, are the ones who accept failures as successes too. They are the ones you see and hear about. If you ever want to become greater, you must learn from mistakes. You must learn from failure. You must accept your mortality and imperfections as learning opportunities and possible advances. You cannot become great by dwelling on the past. you can only become great by learning from your past mistakes, making the adjustments, and admitting failure is not to degrade, but to teach. Look to your failures as inspiration. Hindsight is 20-20 vision that allows you to see where you went wrong and gives an opportunity to correct those mistakes, those actions, those misdirections, those failures, and become successful. This applies to all aspects of life. Work, relational, social, physical, emotional, spiritual. Everything can be improved through the inner reflection required when looking at failures as a successful venture that gave knowledge. After all, knowledge is key to all. Knowledge of who we are as individuals can be seen by our past. Knowledge of who we are in all aspects of life can, and will, be seen through the past. As long as you are willing to accept that Failures, are successes in their own right. Successes in teaching. In showing what not to do. Well, as I am freewriting this, my mind told me I am being repetitive so I am going to change the subject now. You should get it by now anyways. 

Now, My writing style is unlike any other, as I do not proofread, do not allow myself to edit the things I write, what you see is straight from my brain to my fingers on this keyboard. if you do not like this style of reading, maybe leave? I think thats a good alternative to trying to critique someone who doesn't give a shit about your critique. So anyways, I will be writing my feelings on this blog now. I will be creating what I want to on this blog. This blog is meant for me, my records, and my eyes. The fact you have stumbled upon it is fate. If my blog is to be large, with a following that spans the earth, great. If it is to be the eyes of me. Great. I do not care, and will not try to be anything other than me. Now if there is a following, I would very much start to make money off of it. And thats a benefit to me and my talents. Acceptance to that by you does not matter. Nothing but becoming who I am meant to be, matters. I feel this is enough for a new post after a couple years. I know I continue to say I will write and write and write. But now, just as 2011 happened, I will write and write and write with no proffreading, no edits, no nothing. This is what you get with me. A blog of whats on my mind. And a blog of whenever the fuck i want to post. Get over it. Or get with it.